Why It's Been Quiet

It's been quiet over in this space for awhile now because not only have I had a lot of medical things to check off my list, but I've been taking time to really let all the answers and diagnoses process in my mind. I wasn't really expecting the POTS, MALS, or CVI to change a whole lot about my situation, but it really has. I now understand the magnitude of the effects of my symptoms and how debilitating they have become. It's hard because with all my health issues I don't want to come across that I'm letting the illnesses win, but in fact if I don't accept these illnesses and their impact, I can't make the adaptations to improve what I can and make the most out of my health.


To be honest I have been really fighting the reality. Wanting to believe maybe that I don't have EDS or POTS and that I can somehow snap my fingers and jump out of this. Or pretend I'm fine and no one will know or realize how different things have become. That wasn't doing me any good at all though. Trying to do the things I used to was actually making me worse. So I needed a minute to grieve the person I thought I would be, but also look for the things I can still be despite my health obstacles.


Plus, when I am hurting so bad it's difficult to find the energy to write even though it can be very therapeutic and help me organize all my thoughts and feelings. I just want to make sure that even in the waiting periods or valleys, I still document what I'm going through. For others not to feel so alone or spread awareness so that they don't have to experience what I've had to go through.


It took this girl two years to figure out lessons that matched up a lot of what I've been learning and accepting. I also give glory to God because there's no way I would be able to turn the hardships into blessings.